Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Review Date: April 14, 2021

Release Date: June 1, 1989

Platform: NES

Publisher: Konami

Genre: Linear Platformer

Anecdotes: Because the Ninja Turtles were a huge craze in 1989, we decided to shell out money to get this game. Like many NES game, we never got anywhere with it as kids. The big difference here is that I haven’t been able to get anywhere as an adult, either.

Description: Based on the cartoon of the same name, four turtles battle their way through six difficult levels trying to take down the Foot Clan. The turtles are named Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, and Donatello. Each turtle has a unique weapon, but Raphael couldn’t hit a snake even if it was biting him. He’s better off used as a damage sponge, but then again, that’s like trying to use paper towels to clean up from an overflowing toilet. It’s not nearly enough. I wouldn’t go near Leonardo or Michelangelo with a ten foot pole, but Donatello actually has a ten foot pole, so he’s far more useful because of his range.

The TMNTs love pizza. In this game, pizza refills their health; in the real world, pizza refills my energy.

Positives: Donatello has a good weapon with decent reach; Leonardo doesn’t have as much reach, but has the same weapon skill. Both of them can aim the weapon forward, up, or down. This makes Donatello invaluable in the fighting areas.

Negatives: I’m stuck on the appropriately named dam level. Ignoring the jarring logic of why there are generators underwater in the first place, by time I get there, I’m down to just Donatello and he has nearly no prayer of surviving in there. And because of these jerks only allow TWO continues before booting players back to the start of the game, I had to cheat and abuse save states and I STILL couldn’t get through it. Playing this game is like trying to run with a broken foot. Every step is painful and the end will never be reached.

More Screenshots:

While I appreciate the map, it makes the area look A LOT bigger than it really is.
Well, April is free! They should have just ended the game right there.
Can I at least get a health refill, April? By the way, how does one set up bombs underwater?
I jumped in, knowing I won’t be jumping out.
“Hey, electric barriers and impassible seaweed traps aren’t hard enough. How can we make it harder?” “I know! Let’s throw in a timer!”
Are they serious? And this is just level 2!
Oh, yeah, the seaweed jumps up and bites, too. Lovely.

Final Opinion: This game is absolutely brutal, but while I couldn’t get past the dam, nothing is the game I would call unfair or cheap. It’s still a bad game, though, so it’s getting a D.

Grade: D

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